India Pale Ale, you dumb ass.

If I were to be stranded on a desert (dessert?) island, and I could only bring two beverages with me, one of them would definitely by an IPA. No, the other would not be purified water.  I’d pull a Kevin Costner and drink my own piss so I could bring whiskey on that damned island.

I digress.  I really like IPA’s.  To put it in Simple Jack lingo, they taste really good to me. I’ve come up with MY own list of favorite IPA’s.  I swear I’m not biased… it should be common knowledge that California makes the best IPA’s. The best beer in general for that matter… with an emphasis on San Diego beers. DUH!

5) Hop Stoopid, by Lagunitas:

I go back and forth with this beer. I’ve had my fair share of great Hop Stoopid beers, as well as enough bottles that taste a bit off for me to question this beer altogether.  When it’s off, it smells like a Viking’s asshole.  But when it’s on… let me tell you, it’s a solid IPA.

4) Wipeout IPA, by Port Brewing:

A solid beer. I really picked this because Port had to be represented in this list; they make outstanding beers.  This just so happens to be their most recognizable IPA.  LET ME TELL YOU, I’ve had some lesser known Port IPA’s, and they’re even better than the Wipeout… AND THAT’s saying something, because the Wipeout is pretty gosh darn good! Sorry for yelling.

3) Sublimely Self-Righteuous Ale, by Stone Brew:

The most outside-the-box IPA that makes MY list.  This classic by Stone (a classic brewery itself!) is technically a Black IPA.  Don’t call me racist… I’m applauding it, not discriminating against it.  I’ve never had an IPA that is this dark in color.  And for how dark it pours, it is surprisingly light, YET FLAVORFUL, upon taste.  Stone makes amazing beers, but this is one of my all time favorites.  Bravo. Braaaavo.

2) Pliny the Elder, by Russian River:

No shit, right?  I don’t know what else can be said about this beer that hasn’t already been said.  It’s simply the tits.

1) Sculpin IPA, by Ballast Point:

For me this is a no-brainer.  For you… maybe not so much, because you probably haven’t taken the time out of your busy schedule to try this magnificent beer. Well trust me, IT’S WORTH YOUR TIME! First off, Ballast Point makes some of the best beer this world has ever seen.  Second of all… JUST TRY IT!!!! I literally just had one of these less than an hour ago, and it inspired me to write this analytical masterpiece.  Sculpin is smooth yet flavorful, hoppy yet smooth, and smooth yet crispy.  I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a pretty smooth beer to me.